It's Not Just an Illness
by blacket2
Summary: I'm sickened by reflections and displeased with all I've done. Take a deeper look at this monster I've let myself become. An all human J/A. Rated for language, pleasant smut, and disturbing situaions. Not recommended for younger readers.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N:_ Ok. I have another fanfic on here called My Starlight Muse. There's only two chapters in it, but I really wanted to start on this. I also wanted to say that... well, the first chapter is written weird. Jasper's POV. His state of mind and sobriety level should tell you why he's talking so dull and blunt, and really nonchalant about everything in a way. But ya. Enjoy.**

It's October 24th, 2005.

My elective class is a total drag. We never really do anything interesting, ever.

I keep about thirty-eight percent of my attention on this new guy that just registered today. Looks like a total jock. Kind of pale, but you can't blame anyone in Washington for that. There's never any sun. It's ridiculous.

The other sixty-two percent of my attention is dividing equally by my annoying sister, Rosalie, and the fuzzy feeling in my gut. I usually come to school sober. Today I made an exception. I kept digging my nails into the already damaged skin of my wrist, and, every few seconds, swallowed phlegm. I should've realized this was disgusting. I should've gotten some water.

Edward has his head down, his forehead pressed against the edge of his desk, his eyes staring down at his left untied shoe. Not really seeing anything. Not really doing anything. Just kind of there, but all gone at the same time. I think he took more than I did.

I wonder how many aspirin it would take to get me to pass out.

I hate Mondays.

I don't even notice that class is over until I see that new guy, tall and bulky, short curly black hair, suddenly standing next to my desk. I can't see his face. He's talking to Rose. Fantastic. Another reason for mom to whisper little hints about birth control. It drives Rose off a wall. She's still a virgin. She says.

I'm not paying attention to what they're saying. It doesn't bother me that Rose keeps eyeing me. It doesn't bother me that Edward hasn't even picked his head up. Just sits there, staring at his shoe, but really staring at nothing. He doesn't even look like he's breathing.

"Hey," I hear.

I turn and see Rose and the jock staring at me.

"What?" I snap back. I wanted it to sound threatening, but I don't think it worked very well. For all I know, they can't understand me.

"Aren't you chipper," Rosalie says. She's smirking. "I just found you a friend."

I don't look up at his face. "I have plenty of friends."

"They don't talk to you anymore." Thanks, I think. That's real sweet of you to say sis.

"I'm fine."

"Well, at least be nice to him," she continues, as though I'm interested in making friends with one of her kind. "He's new. And he could be very… valuable."

This last word brings me into reality a bit. Now I'm interested.

"Oh?"

I finally look up at him. He's nowhere near as pale as Edward and I, but much more so than the other kids who go to this school. He shares our dark circles and our tired look. But he looks too perky, too cheerful. He must be fairly new.

"Emmett," he says in a booming voice. He holds out a hand. I don't take it.

"What do you need?"

His big grin fades slightly. "Not here, dude."

Right. Lunch. Great.

I imagine that they got Edward out of his trance, and I find myself to be right when I see him sit down across from me. He looks tired. I get this odd urge to give him a hug.

I wonder if Tylenol would be better.

"My sister has my lunch," I hear the booming voice of Emmett say again. "She might sit with us. Cool?"

"Cool," I think I say aloud. I can't be certain. I don't think he heard me if I did.

"Sure," Rosalie says, sitting down next to Edward. Emmett takes a seat next to me. I scoot over an inch away from him. I doubt he notices.

"Where'd you come from anyways?" Rosalie asks him, seeming very interested. I wonder if she really is.

"Seattle."

"Of course," she nods, pulling out her stupid mirror. "You'd be tanner if you were from any other state."

Emmett laughed. I scoot away another inch. I wonder what would happen if I snatched the mirror away from Rose and smashed it on the ground. She would probably punch me. I let my attention go back to the conversation they're having.

This weird buzzing in my ear keeps me from hearing them very clearly. All I get is something about a midget, and I don't understand, so I go back to not caring. There's bugs under my skin. Tiny little fuckers keep annoying me, and I keep scratching at my wrist. I think I'm bleeding. There's wet goo under my fingers. I'm too out of it to care much.

"Emmy!"

This high pitched voice. It's very beautiful. I stop scratching at the bugs and look up to a pretty face.

I understand the midget comment now.

This small girl the size of a pixie walks to our table, dragging behind her a scared looking girl with large brown eyes. The brown-eyed girl sits next to Edward. The pixie sits next to me. I'm thanking myself silently for scooting closer to the empty seat.

"Who're your friends, Emmett?" the beautiful, small girl says. She's not looking at me. I suddenly remember what I look like and look away from her, down at the table. No matter how much drugs I take, I can't help but feel self-conscious. Maybe that's part of the problem, I think. Maybe.

"Oh, this is Rose. Er…"

He doesn't know our names, I realize.

"Jasper and Edward."

I smile at Rosalie briefly for introducing us and look up at the tiny girl.

She's looking at me and I feel myself blush. I hate it and hate her for making me do it.

"Nice to meet you," she says like an angel and smiles at me. I instantly forget what I hated her for.

"Same," is all I say. I want to say something funny, something clever, to know what her laugh sounds like. I can't think of anything.

"Are you all Seniors?" the taller girl asks. Edward picks his head up a bit, but doesn't say anything.

"No," Rosalie answers again, very rudely staring at herself in the mirror as though she's too wonderful to even look at them. "Edward is a Junior. He just has an elective with us."

"Yo, Jasper." Emmett.

"Yes?" I say, still looking at his sister.

"How's about we talk about that thing Rosalie mentioned. About my… worth."

I sigh, not wanting to leave this spot at this particular moment. Nor do I really want to give this guy what he's asking for. "Sure, guy," I hear myself say anyways. "Somewhere else, though."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N:_ I couldn't sleep. I decided to go ahead and put a second chapter up. I also want to apologize because I noticed I keep switching on and off with past tense and present tense, and it's really in furiating, but the exact style I was going for to fit this piece is bloody hard to keep up with. So point out those mistakes for me. Perhaps, in the future, I can fix them just for the sake of them being well-written. Thanks a boodles. Thank you for reviewing, too! I appreciate the comments, and I did take your advice by puting a "Summary." It's a failure attempt, but it works. G'night everyone.**

* * *

We're sitting at an empty table far from our siblings and the random brunette girl.

We sat down at an empty table far from our siblings and the random brunette girl. The drugs I had taken in the bathroom at the beginning of last period were wearing off. I can think more clearly now, but the decreasing effects of the drug only mean an increase in craving for more.

"OK, let's talk business." Emmett.

"Right," I hear myself mumble slowly. I pick my head up and try to sound more awake. "Right. OK. So, what exactly do you want?"

"Rose."

"Well – wait, what did you just say?"

"Look, dude," Emmett begins, shaking his head. "The reason I'm in this school is because I got into way too much trouble. My dad wanted me out of the city, away from those drug dealers and gang members. I mean, I had only done some shit a few times, but… you know how parents are…" He sighed. I cleared my throat loudly. "Anyways, your sisters hot. There's no getting around it. She told me to talk to you or your brother because she doesn't do drugs. Which is good, I mean, no offense, but I just don't think that would work out. Do you get what I'm saying?"

It takes me a while to process all of this. Though the idea with Rose and this beast hooking up completely disgusts me, I'm very glad he asked me this.

"You know," I start off. "Your sister isn't too bad either."

Emmett's face distorts and I get this weird feeling that he's going to slug me, but after a second, he's laughing.

"Eww, dude. Seriously. That's gross."

"Huh? On the contrary, I find her very attractive."

He shook his head. "She ain't got any tits."

I raised an eyebrow. That was rude. I didn't care about how big or small her breasts were. In fact, the smaller they were, the less they'd get in my way if I ever got a chance to hug her. I stopped hugging Rosalie when she hit puberty.

"She ain't got anything," Emmett went on. "That long, luscious hair. Girls are supposed to have that."

Again, I disagreed. She was very small. Long locks wouldn't fit her face right. Plus, she wouldn't be spending hours in front of the mirror on her hair like somebody I knew.

"Whatever," I spit out. "You don't need my permission to ask out Rosalie, she's all yours."

"I'm not asking for you _permission_. I'm telling you to give me some info, bro."

I bit my tongue. Bro? I think not.

I sighed and tapped my fingers on the table. I quickly put my arm back on my lap when I realized that there are now blood stains on my sleeve. I'd have to check the damage later.

"She's really full of herself." Me.

"She'll have someone else to think about." Emmett.

"She's waiting until she's married." Me again.

"Oh, what are you guys talking about?" Pixie.

"Excuse us," Emmett growled at his small sister, whose name I still did not know. She sat down next to me and I felt out of it again.

"Who's waiting until their married?" she pressed. "That blonde ditz?"

"Screw off, Alice."

Alice, as Emmett called her, turned towards me and leaned forward. I inhaled sharply. Lavender. A tidbit of vanilla. It was wonderful. "Who are you two talking about, Jazz?"

She learned my nickname quickly.

"No one you need to worry about."

She scowled. "Fine."

"Yo, dude, lets get back." Emmett got up, glared at his sister, and headed for his spot across from Rosalie.

I was about to get up, but Alice's tiny, warm hand was suddenly on mine. I must've felt cold to her.

"Is Emmett trying to hook up with your sister?"

Yes. "No."

"Liar," she teased, and removed her hand from mine.

_Please put it back. You're so warm…_

"So, would you mind being my tour guide for Forks? I haven't really met anyone yet, other then Bella and she's new, too."

I focused on her face. Though her hair was very dark, her eyelashes were pale, with no mascara to hide their true form. Her actual eyes were such a dark gray, they almost looked purple if one was not paying too much attention. Her ears and nose were very small, but her lips quite full above her chin. Although she resembled a small fairy or pixie, her features were very round. Round face, wide eyes, simple nose. There was nothing spectacular about her, nothing too ordinary, nothing too unexpected, other then her being extraordinarily beautiful. All of this processed through my mind in about three point five seconds, before I answered, "I have no problem with it. We probably don't have any classes together, but I can… show you around town if you like?" I phrased it as a question.

"That would be awesome," Alice says. "Maybe we can meet up sometime after school. When are you free?"

The only thing I do is lay down on a couch for hours straight, peeling the skin back on my arms and gnawing at my lip until it begins to bleed, and I'm too stoned to do anything but swallow the blood back into my system. "I might be busy. I'll check my schedule or… whatever. I'm pretty sure I'm free over the next week or so."

I try to smile. I must look horrendous.

"Cool," she says. "I have another proposition."

"What would that be?"

"How's about we stay here the rest of lunch."

I raise an eyebrow. "You mean… in… the _lunch_ room?"

She threw her head back and barked out a laugh that sounded like an angel sighing. "No, silly. I meant here, without the crowd, at this little table."

"Oh. Right."

"I have some questions for you."

Jesus, no. "OK, shoot."

"When's your birthday?"

I blink twice. I did not expect something so… well, like that.

"Err… actually, it's this weekend."

"Oh?"

"Sunday. The 30th. The day before Halloween."

"I see," she drawled. "Mischief night. Awesome. Any plans?"

"Tour guiding, I suppose."

She giggled. I think I blush. "Thank you."

"Mhm," I hum quickly. "Sure thing."

I wonder how many of those Tylenol or aspirins it would take to actually kill me.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N:_ Hello. Third chapter up, obviously. I tried my best to keep the tense the same, but I think there but be some backs and forths between past and present. If you see this and it bothers you greatly, feel free to throw some of that constructive criticism over my way. Also, I'm not too fond of the speed these chapters are going at, you might not either, but Jasper is still kind of dazed from his last dose, so he's not going to pay attention to detail. So think of it like that. It'll get better, don't worry. Questions, comments, concerns? Go ahead and Review or PM me. Enjoy.**

* * *

Alice insisted on 20 questions. Well, not exactly 20, but however many we could think of to ask until the bell rang. I don't mind so much, even though I hate answering questions. Alice wanted to know a lot because she doesn't know any other Scorpio's. I don't know anything about astrology, but I cooperate, asking and answering.

She had said her birthday was November 5th. My turn.

"Well, err… how old are you?" I ask.

"Promise not to laugh?"

I nod.

"I'm still fifteen. I turn sixteen in a couple weeks."

I smile, because it really isn't a big deal. "You're only two years younger than I am. And, only one year back. Junior, right?"

"Yeah," she sigh. "So, you'll be eighteen this weekend, then? Big deal, very big day for you. You excited?"

I'm scared shitless. I shrug. "Not really. No big deal."

"I would be flipping!" she says, so excited, one would think she was the one turning eighteen. "Getting a credit card, endless shopping, my own apartment to put clothes in –"

_Getting kicked out of the house with no place to go._

" – having no curfew, staying out in the city all night. That would be the best." She looked directly into my eyes. I look down. "You shouldn't be bothering with me. You should go celebrate."

I look up, hoping that she doesn't look down at me. She might see my sleeve. "I don't want to make a big deal out of it. It's overwhelming enough. I'd much rather spend the day with you."

I must sound like a stalker or some kind of freak. She smiled.

"That's really sweet, Jasper. Thanks."

"Mhm," I mumble quickly. "It's your turn."

"Oh, right." It's forty six seconds before she finally says, "What's your favorite color?"

I shake my head. "These questions aren't very creative."

"I don't care. Answer the question."

I shake my head again. "I don't have one." That's the truth.

"Really? Why not?"

I shrug. "I like them all equally. I'm not one for favoritism."

"So… no favorite bands or songs, or movies, no favorite candies or food?"

I think about this for a moment. I'm picky, but nothing comes to mind when I think of any of these categories. "Pretty much."

"Huh… interesting." She thinks for a moment. "I like red. I even painted my room red over the weekend before I unpacked." She stops and giggles. "I'm still not unpacked."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Alice immediately stops giggling and looks at me with this odd expression. She bit her lip before saying, "No. What about you?"

I smile, and say, "No, I don't have a boyfriend." She pouted her lips and glared in such a way that I have to laugh. "I don't have a girlfriend, either."

Alice simply shakes her head. "Funny. Right." She looks across the cafeteria, over towards where I know Emmett is sitting with the others. "How long have you known Rose and Ed?"

I clear my throat. "He prefers Edward, actually. And they're kind of… my siblings."

She raises her eyebrows. "Oh. You and Rose are twins?"

I frown. "Not exactly. Carlisle and Esme didn't… well bring me into the world, just into the house."

Alice looks at me for a moment and then cocks her head to the side.

"They took me in when I was fourteen. Rose and Edward are both theirs, sort of," my voice gets quieter the further my sentence goes.

"Sort of?"

"Never mind."

She frowns. "You really know how to elaborate when you talk."

Eh. "Well…" I fidget a bit. I don't like answering personal questions, but I keep getting this urge to tell this girl everything, and I can't stand it. "My parents put me in foster care when I was eleven. Carlisle and Esme brought me in three years later, let me share a room with Edward, who was real sour about it. Both of them were, actually. Rose wasn't getting all her 'deserved' attention, and Edward didn't want an outsider in his room. Carlisle was hesitant about allowing a foster kid in, because they aren't allowed to know the reasons of my being put into foster care. Esme wanted to take me in for karma. They both tried to act nice, and tell Edward and Rose to do the same. Eventually, they warmed up, and Edward is my best friend now." I sigh. "Carlisle and Esme hate me."

I can't look at her after saying this.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

I laugh ruefully. "Yeah, yeah, right. Nothing."

"Why did you go into foster care."

"No, no," I snap too loudly, too fiercely. "Too many questions. You had your turn, alright?" I immediately compose my face when I see her shocked expression. "Sorry."

"It's fine. It's none of my business."

I look down again. When the hell was that damn bell going to ring?

"You can go ahead and ask your question now."

I nod, secretly wanting to both give her a hug and seek vengeance. I go with B. "What kind of problems led you and Emmett here?"

She sighs heavily. "Dad caught him juicing up just before a game. Stupid jock."

"He doing anything else, other than the steroids?"

"That's more than one question."

"Yeah, well, you asked me like five."

I could've sworn the noise she made was a growl.

"Coke. Weed. The usual, I guess."

I nod. The usual?

"I don't know. He's only been into that stuff for a couple months, ever since he met this guy named James in the city somewhere. Dad decided we needed to go to a small town, one without gangs and so much murder. Three more."

I smile, but the bell rings, and I curse under my breath. "We should continue this."

"OK," she says, getting up.

"How's about… some place more private, Friday night?"

She smiles, and I smile back at her. "OK. Where?"

"I can take you to La Push, at the beach. It's really pretty there. You'd like it." Even though Jacob and Quil and all those other guys refuse to talk to me anymore.

"So… is this, like, a date?" she looks hopeful.

Damn it, I shouldn't be dragging this sweet girl into my fucked up life. I'm one sick bastard. "If you want it to be. We can talk details tonight. Pen?"

She reaches into her bag quickly, stepping closer to avoid getting run into by someone in the crowd. She pulls out a pen and, instead of giving it to me, takes my hand and writes down seven digits on my palm.

"That's my cell phone. Call after nine, OK? It's free then."

I nod, staring intensely at the numbers. "Sure, sure." Even though I haven't seen him in over a month, Jacob's words are still coming out of my mouth.

"See you later, Jazz. Don't be late."

Alice skips off with the rest of the students, leaving me sitting there, chuckling, alone. Edward is walking towards me, smiling and blushing, looking down at the floor.

"Sup, man?"

I finally pull my eyes away from my palm. "Nothing man. I just got a number."

Edward grins and places a torn piece of paper in my outstretched hand. Another number.

"Nice job."

Suddenly, Edward looks worried. "You think we can skip last two periods?"

"Why? Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Edward shakes his head, knowing exactly what I mean. "I don't got any on me man, I left it at home."

Damn. "Alright. Let's split."

He nods furiously and heads for the door, me at his tail.

I look at the number again.

_Sure, sure._

Wow, I'm one sick bastard.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: _This is now in Alice's POV. Also, I want to thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it. Now, keep in mind, it's a different tense. This tense is much easier to keep with. Hope you enjoy it. It's not much, but it gives you a bit of insight.**

Bella was waiting for me by the truck she had described to me during the second the last period. It wasn't much, but I didn't say anything. After I got my license, I would get the Porsche, and I could give her a ride to and from school, to return the favor. I ran a hand through my hair as I hopped down from the curb and headed towards her, unable to help myself from sporting a gigantic grin on my face.

"Thanks so much for giving me a ride, Bella," I told her as I opened the door. It made a loud screech.

"Don't mention it, Alice," she said as we both slid into our seats.

"How was your last period?"

Bella grimaced. "I can't stand vigorous physical activity. I hurt myself and everybody around me."

"What did you play?"

"Ugh. Tennis."

I chuckled. "Aw, poor baby. Who'd you play against?"

"Some guy named Mike, then some Asian guy whose name I forget."

"Ah."

"Hey, do you want to come over for a little bit? Would your parents mind?"

"No, it'll be cool. I'd love to."

Bella drove towards her house, neither of us really saying anything, just both grinning like idiots. No one was home, and she parked on the curb.

"So. How was lunch?" she asked just after turning off her roaring engine.

"It was… interesting. How was yours? Sorry about leaving you alone with those guys, by the way."

Bella giggled. "It's alright. Your brother's funny. He's kind of obnoxious, though, no offense. I really liked that Edward guy. How did you get along with, err…?"

"Jasper," I practically squealed. "Oh my goodness, he's so adorable! Isn't he?"

Bella laughed harder this time, amused by my silliness. "Yeah, he was pretty cute. Looks kind of beat up, though."

Yes, I remembered his face. He was so handsome, with this odd shade of periwinkle blue eyes hidden under honey blond locks. His face was kind of 'beat up,' as Bella had put it. There was a tiny cut on the right corner of his bottom lip, _oh, goodness, such lovely, full lips for a guy!,_ two scars, and slight bruising just under his left eye and right cheek. Still, though, I found him to be gorgeous. He had this fantastic, mysterious aura that excited me.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"They both seem kind of out of it."

I tilted my head to the side. "Both?"

She nodded. "Jasper and Edward."

That was true, too. I simply interpreted Jasper's quirky behavior as nervousness. I found it quite adorable.

"Hey, Bella, are we going to sit in the car all day, or would you mind if I came inside?"

"Oh, yes, of course! How rude of me, yes, come on in." Bella hopped out of the driver's seat, and I just shook my head and grabbed my bag off the floor.

I wiped my feet before entering. It was small, but very cozy. Though I'd spent most of my life in rather expensive homes, I loved little houses like this. They felt more like a home. Especially without being equipped with the cleaning lady and cook that I always expected to see when I walked through the front door.

"Would you like something to eat?" I heard Bella call from a room down the hall. I made my way towards her voice.

"Yes, actually. I didn't eat anything during lunch. I was too distracted. Please," I added to not sound rude.

Bella was already whipping something up in the kitchen. There were ingredients spread over a counter and silverware was already lain out on the table.

"Watchumakin?" I asked so quickly it sounded like one word.

"Err, something sweet. I'm in the mood for something with sugar and carbs."

I spied the cupcake pan and laughed. "How many you plan on making?"

"A few," she mumbled almost inaudibly.

"Hmm," I mused. "You wouldn't perhaps be making some extras for a certain green eyed boy in your lunch, would you?"

Bella blushed, but smiled. "I might be. Maybe a little more, for a certain tall, pale, and handsome blond?"

I grinned back at her. "Right on."

I had no idea how to bake. My mom never did, and I was always afraid to bother the cooks. I decided to just sit back and watch Bella. She looked like she knew what she was doing. She suggested that I put the frosting on after. We made it interesting and ended up shooting the frosting all over the place like silly string, making her kitchen an orange and purple disaster.

"I need to clean this up," she muttered while I was still laughing.

"Aw, relax and have a cupcake, cupcake. I'll help you out, don't worry."

Bella sighed and shoved a cupcake in my face.

* * *

"Hey, where were you?"

"Emmett, stop giving me the third degree every time I come home," I snapped and my large brother when he saw me entering the living room. The cleaning lady had gone for the day. "Bella took me home. I was at her house."

He sniffed audibly and glared at me. "Why do you smell like sugar?"

"I was baking cupcakes." Sort of.

"Oooh, save any for me?"

"No." Nice and blunt.

Emmett growled and let his attention wander back to the recorded football game on the Pioneer KURO PDP-5010FD plasma TV. I saw a beer sitting on a coaster on top of the Gemelli coffee table, but i didn't say anything. I didn't even bother starting another conversation with him, and went right up to my room upstairs. Dad's door was closed. I sighed and prepared myself for the sight of my crimson walls. I was actually surprised that they didn't bother me.

There wasn't a lot of furniture in my room. A six thousand dollar Lamour bed with matching nightstands and 6-drawer dresser. I sat down on my unmade bed and laid back, quickly glancing at the clock and then back up at the ceiling. It was still six thirty.

"Great."

There were still two and a half long hours to wait until he called me.

* * *

The next time I opened my eyes, the lights were off, and I had been tucked in. I didn't bother to wonder who had done it, distracted by vibrations coming from the bag by my side.

"Urrrgh." I hate waking up.

"Hello," I murmured groggily into my cell phone.

"Oh," I heard a voice like honey say. "Did I wake you?"

"Jasper!" I exclaimed, sitting up so fast that I had to grab my head. "Hey, no, I'm awake. What's up?"

He chuckled on the other line. "Did you ask your parents if you can go to La Push this Friday?"

"Yeah," I lied. "They're cool with it, as long as I bring Emmett." That sounds like something they would say. "What exactly are we going to be doing, though?"

"Well, err... I was thinking we could get a bonfire started up. Nothing too big. If you're going to bring Emmett, I guess I can bring Rose… and if she's going… well, I don't want to leave Edward behind –"

"Oh! I can bring Bella! It can be like a triple date!" Oops, said the D word.

"OK… that works." He sounded so nervous. "We can bring some hotdogs."

"We should get stuff for smores. You like Hershey's?"

"I don't like smores. But, yeah, we can bring stuff for everyone else…"

I shook my head. "How do you not like smores?"

"I don't know. I like graham crackers and chocolate, and even marshmallows. Just… well, not all mashed together. Umm…" There was a tapping sound coming from his end. He sniffed. "There is one problem."

"'K?"

"We only have two cars. Esme and Carlisle are both working, so…"

"You guys will need a ride? It's no problem. Emmett and Bella both have cars. You and Rose can carpool with Emmett and I. Bella has a truck, so she can only fit two people anyways. Edward can go with her. How does that sound?"

"That's fine. Where do we meet?"

"Err… we can just meet at your house. We're going to be picking you guys up, right?"

"Sure, sure. Hey, I kind of got to go. Do you have any upperclassman courses?"

"Hold on." I dug into my bag, looking for my schedule. "No. But I have an elective. Are you in a second level writing class?"

Jasper laughed. "Yeah, there's only one, it's during third period. I'll see you there, then. Goodnight, Alice."

"Goodnight, Jasper," I said, and he hung up.

I sighed and checked the time. It was ten fifty two. I should've been packing, but I was too tired. After silently thanking Emmett for taking my shoes off and getting a blanket from the moving boxes, I placed my phone on the charger, and drifted back to a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N:_ It's been a while since I've updated. I haven't abandoned, just have simply been very, very busy. I've got 4 honors and 2 AP courses to keep up with, plus work. But, after tests, and when I simply don't wish to pay attention to notes, I write. I have a lot more written on notebook paper, but haven't gotten around to typing it yet. I just wanted to post a tiny bit to prove that I'm alive and well. It's not much, but it's all I had time to type tonight. Goodnight, everyone!**

* * *

Friday. October 28th.

I was getting anxious. Jasper had not been in school since I met him on Monday. I was slowly getting more and more infuriated with the individuals at my lunch table. Emmett and Rosalie were just plain obnoxious. I tried my best to focus on Bella and Edward. They had normal conversations, mostly about Bella's life in Phoenix. She was just as new to this school as Emmett and I were. Every now and then I would sigh and rest my chin on the table. Edward always noticed.

"He asked about you, you know. And he will be with us tonight. So don't worry about being alone." Edward had a very charming and polite personality.

"Why isn't he here now?" I heard myself whine, sounded like a five-year-old child. What a hopeless romantic I was. It was like Romeo and Juliet; we met and I became a single-minded simpleton.

Edward chuckled. "He's not feeling very well. He's spending his afternoon today fixing himself in front of a mirror to look right and healthy for you tonight."

I nodded, but frowned. "Your parents don't mind?"

He frowned back at me. "He's in his apartment. The owner is giving him a week to get his things in there, because of the situation. According to my parents, Jasper needs to be out by Sunday. So, this week, he's decided to hide out in there while he's sick."

"Oh," was all I said. Jasper was getting kicked out. He wasn't excited about his birthday when I asked him about it. This conversation gave me my explanation.

* * *

I was unbelievably thrilled Emmett was the one driving. I didn't want anyone to see our house. I still haven't unpacked.

Now that she wasn't restrained by school dress code, Rose chose to wear a denim mini and low-cut v-neck blue blouse under her jacket. It would be a good excuse to cuddle up to my brother as the autumn air got older later on in the night.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Jasper. He looked like he had a few rough nights. The dark circles under his eyes were very prominent, but his golden locks looked nicer, neater. They were a striking contrast to his pallid skin. He looked like a wreck and an angel.

He flashed me a brilliant smile when he entered the Jeep, and gave me a gentle, hesitant hug. It felt odd; his chest against mine was very warm, but his hands were like ice on my back.

"How are you?" he whispered as he pulled back to look at me with red, puffy eyes. His voice sounded better, less hoarse. More like honey. It was a very soothing sound, one I could even fall asleep to.

"I should be asking you. You're the one who's been sick." I placed my hand on his forehead in a seemingly playful way, but I was truly concerned for this guy.

"I feel fantastically awful," he laughed. "I'll survive."

I didn't understand a lot of the things that came out of his mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N:_ Woot. Another part. Ok, this part switches from Alice to Bella's point of view, somewhere near the end. Which means I was able to put two cliffhangers on ONE chapter. I'm cruel. I love it. They aren't very intense, but, still. Hangers are Hangers. Anyhoo, it's a little longer, and I tried my best to edit during Calculus. I will warn again... what I've written so far is fluff compared to what is to come so... if you can't handle anything that is kind of disturbing, well... actually, you shouldn't have read the birth scene in Breaking Dawn... but really, you should kind of not... be here.. But if you do stick around, enjoy. )**

* * *

I tried to talk as much as possible, making sure my voice was clear enough with Emmett and Rosalie chattering very loudly, but quietly enough so that our conversation was private. Edward and Bella were whispering on the other side of the fire, hogging up all the marshmallows. I wasn't sure when we broke off into three separate conversations, but I was glad for it, wishing I did not suggest that anyone else come with us.

"Hey," I finally said. "Do you want to take a walk with me?"

Jasper blinked several times and nodded quickly. He was very jittery, like he was too hyper and trying to hold it in, but still managed to have a calming effect on me.

Strange and curious looks were being shot at us, so I tried to rush him out of the clearing, away from the firelight, as soon as possible. I could've sworn I heard Emmett hiss.

"Alice, this is far enough," Jasper exhaled sharply. "There are wolves out here, you know."

I froze. "What?"

He laughed louder than I ever heard him before. "This spot is fine, here. To stop, you know."

I turned towards him and looked up – Jesus, he was tall – to his face. "I said I wanted to take a walk."

He smirked. "A fine way of saying you want to get away from everyone else."

Jerk. He could read me like a book. "Fine." I plopped myself down on a large root, and he was soon at my side. Even when sitting, he hovered over me like a giant. I should be used to this, having Emmett as a brother.

"I'm good at sensing how people feel," he said, shrugging. "You can call it… a gift."

"Ha. Good luck reading me." I could admit I was complicated.

His smirk grew wider. "My sister irritates you."

"Who doesn't she irritate acting like that?"

His smile softened, but he still looked amused. "Touché."

Somewhere in the wilderness, a wolf howled. Automatically, I grasped onto Jasper's arm. Damn. Boy had more muscle then his lankiness gave him credit for. He shook his head, and pulled his long arm out of my grip. I was about to protest, but he then wrapped it around my small body. Not something to complain about.

"Big wolves aren't gonna hurt you, little one. They don't come close when we have a fire going."

"Bullshit they don't."

He shook a little, but his laughter was silent. "Relax. Don't think about it."

The thought of wolves wasn't scaring me anymore, but when I heard another howl, I clung onto him even tighter.

"You seem more awake today. Were you feeling ill on Monday?"

There was a small pause and I could sense him trying to pick the right words to say, the wheels in his head spinning rapidly.

"I was… sort of out of it on Monday," he mused, as if he wasn't even sure.

"I see. Is everything all right?"

"Peachy keen." His expression concerned me. When he looked up, he said, too quickly, "Don't be worried about me, I'm fine."

"It's hard not to be."

Jasper groaned and smacked his forehead. Suddenly, his arm was not around me anymore, and he buried his face in the palms of his hands. "You and Bella are infuriating, you know that?"

His face slid out of his palms, and his chin was now resting on his fists, clenched together as though in prayer, elbows on his knees for support. "She's just as bad with Edward as you are with me." I wasn't sure if he was serious or teasing.

"I could back off," I pouted, scooting away slightly. "But you didn't have to call me the other night, either."

He laughed, but did not sound amused. "Alice. I've never been able to get a girl to like me. Hell, I don't even like myself. It's impossible to keep away from you. Your kindness to me alone is irresistible, and you have the nerve to come along into my life as sweet and adorable as you are, and expect me to want you to back off."

I shook my head slowly twice, trying to understand, trying to process all of his words. The only thing I could think of to say was, "I'm… sorry?"

Suddenly, Jasper was off of the tree root, shaking his head furiously in disbelief, pacing around quickly. "I still don't understand it. Why? We meet for one day, and I can't stop thinking about you! I was fine until we were apart, and I thought about giving up and just going to school, but every time I thought about seeing you, I knew I had to keep going – Edward was doing fine, always walking to Bella with disgustingly cutesy talk all the time, but I was always alone and couldn't even bring myself to call you, not like that, not the way I was acting, what I was doing – "

"Jasper, Jasper!" I exclaimed, jumping up of the root and grabbing his hand. "Jasper, what's wrong? Look, I know we don't know each other very well, and not very long, but you can trust me. I won't tell anyone what's bothering you."

He was still breathing heavily, calming himself down slowly. "I can't," he muttered, slipping his hand out of my grip.

I led him back to the root, forcing him to sit down with as much strength as possible, and sat so that my face was close to his. He was looking at his feet, so I pulled his face toward me, directing his eyes to mine. "You. Need. To. Calm. Down."

Jasper sighed, his eyes briefly looking down at – my lips? – and looked back into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Edward calls that my Spazzing Jazz Attack."

At this, I barked out my high-pitched laughter, and quickly covered my mouth. Jasper grinned.

"Glad my freaking out amuses you."

I dropped my hand. "You do that often?"

"Not a terribly frequent amount."

"It adds to your personality. Most people bottle it up. It's good to let it all out."

He sighed and looked back at my mouth again. I bit my lip and swallowed loudly.

"You have no idea how much is still there."

Jasper hesitated, leaning forward slightly, and pulling away in just half a second. I looked down at, God only knows, I guess it was his zipper, not really seeing, but focusing on his hand moving slowly toward me. His index finger slid lightly right under my chin, lifting my head up and pulling me closer to him ever so slightly. Those eyes were so penetrating, so intense, staring straight into mine, getting closer, and I felt my eyelids flutter close, my breath almost ceasing when I felt his lips gently graze mine –

* * *

Alice and Jasper left so quietly, I didn't even see them leave. I was too focused on Edward's beautiful face. He had a perfect straight nose, perfect lips, and extraordinary green eyes. He spoke to me in a voice like velvet, dazzling me with his charm and politeness.

I wasn't exactly enjoying his sister's company. To make matters worse, shortly after Jasper and Alice departed, Rose said, "Edward, Emmett, why don't you boys go out and fetch us some more firewood?" She battered those disgustingly gorgeous lashes toward the giant bear of a 'boy' next to her.

"Anything for you, beautiful," Emmett said, getting up quickly. "Let's go, Edward. Don't want the ladies to get cold."

I looked at Edward with pleading eyes. He sighed.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, Bella, don't worry. Keep Rosalie some company." A strange smile played on his lips, as though he wanted me to endure the torture of his sister's egoistic company.

Too quickly, Rosalie was at my side, before the boys even got out of the clearing. Almost like she had been planning this all along, some hideous plot against me to… talk to me. Alone. Oh, God.

"So," she drawled. "You and Edward. Hmm. That's something, isn't it?"

What? "Uh, yeah. Really something."

Rosalie's gaze was at the dying fire. "I hope you know he has a problem."

Oh, that. "Yeah. He's told me."

Her head snapped in my direction. "Has he now?"

For some reason, I popped my lips. "Yeah. He told me, err, a few days ago. Yup. Definitely did."

Now she was beginning to glare. "And… you said?"

I shrugged. "I told him… it didn't matter." And he got angry.

"Didn't… matter?" she spoke through gritted teeth. Kind of like Edward did when I had said it. "Do you understand how serious a situation this is? For my family, for Jasper and Edward, to be doing what they're doing?"

Uncomfortable. "I took it into consideration. But he told me that they were trying to quit. That matters, doesn't it?"

"Ha!" Rosalie barked. "Quit? Bella, Bella, they've been trying to quit since they started! It's so ironic… I'm the one who brings the stuff into the house, and I'm the one who's got a clean record."

"You? Rosalie, wait, you brought drugs into the house… you brought drugs to your siblings, and you say your record is clean?"

"I'm not the drug addict," she said menacingly. "Bella, it's not just the drugs. Jasper… he's the worst of them. At least Edward can go through one day, Jasper is just pathetic."

I had to remind myself to breath. How could she talk about her brothers like this? "Have you ever tried to help them? Even considered they couldn't do it on their own?"

"Of course I have," she defensively growled. But I'm not going near those creeps they hang out with. Aro, or whatever the heck his name is, and those… beasts of people. Scum of the planet, they are." She looked out into the forest, and back at me. "This isn't a safe lifestyle to be getting into, Bella. You don't know what's capable of happening to girls who get involved with drug addicts and their drug dealers." She began to rub her shoulder absentmindedly.

"Have you tried… asking the drug dealers to… stop?"

Rosalie smacked her forehead. It really was a stupid question. "Look. I'm going to tell you something. It's not going to leave this campfire… understand?"

I nodded.

Rosalie sighed, glancing out into the forest, and back at me, again. "Did Edward tell you about Royce?"


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N:_ Wow. So it's been a really long time since I've been able to get on. Jeez. This isn't much, however, things are starting to settle down, and I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. And I want to continue this... so here's a wee bit of story to confirm that I'm still alive and breathing, hopefully you like it ok, and I'll be writing bits and pieces in my spare time until I have enough for a whole chapter. This is Bella's POV. G'night all!!**

* * *

"Edward and Jasper always take a weekend trip to Seattle. Carlisle and Esme understand they have friends there. But, you wouldn't call them friends exactly. They just consider Edward and Jasper as… customers.

"One particular weekend, we had an argument. I felt guilty after they had both left, knowing that I was the one who had dabbled into the drugs in the first place. I quit almost immediately. They got addicted. I just let it pass me, not bother me, constantly telling myself it was just a phase. That they would stop soon. They never did. And I knew it was my fault, for bringing that stuff into the house… knowing how mentally messed up Jasper was before we brought him in."

Rosalie frowned. By the expression on her face, I could tell she wasn't quite sure herself what had happened to Jasper before they took him in. Perhaps Edward might, but Rosalie only had a faint idea. She continued.

"On this weekend… I asked a friend of mine to take me to Seattle with him. His name was Royce. I wasn't very good friends with him, but I knew he adored me. Practically do anything for me. Kind of pathetic… but it was useful, in more ways than one. He would tell me anything I asked, and I always asked him about Edward and Jasper. He knew them well, was in with that sort of crowd. I knew he wouldn't say no if I asked him to take me with him.

"What I didn't know was that it wasn't just some drug deal. Their 'friends' were loaded. Penthouse. Expensive tastes. I saw Edward and Jasper right away, both looking as though they were waiting impatiently, as though in a dentists office. Both, also, trying hard to ignore the… _sluts_ that were crawling around. Not just skanky girls, either. Real prostitutes that their friend, James, felt would be excellent party favors. I was proud to see that they, too, thought the idea of that was disgusting.

"I didn't want them to see me right away. No, I was too stupid and cowardly to face them immediately. At the time, I suppose, I was trying to be stealthy. Idiotic. I wandered around, trying hard to ignore the stares. Royce had joined a small group of stupid college druggies, all of their eyes on me, boring into me, so intensely…"

Her eyes left the present time momentarily, a slight shiver running through her body. She shook her head and continued, her voice less shaky, with more courage this time.

"I should've been more cautious. I knew that people – men, especially – were a danger to others when they get too trashed. But I waited as I watched my brothers waiting, waiting for their stupid friend, concentrating too hard on both of them to notice that I had wandered away from too many people. My eyes still locked on them, I had gone into a corner in a side hallway, able to spy on them through a mirror on the opposite wall. I thought it better that no one could see me. But a cold hand on my shoulder told me I was wrong.

"There was… an open door in the hallway. A bedroom. Surprisingly unoccupied. When I finally broke my gaze, and looked at Royce, I knew very well what would happen. His eyes were bloodshot. The group of college men were surrounding me so that I couldn't run off anywhere, except for the room to my left… the room they forced me into…"

She had stopped, not because she couldn't, but because she noticed the horrified look on my face.

"Bella," she said, trying to sound gentle, but not being very good at it. "That is what men become when they get exposed to that kind of lifestyle. Monsters."

I stared at her, cold and hard, remaining stiff so I did not shake when I spoke next.

"You're wrong."

Rosalie didn't like that.

We both jumped slightly when we heard someone crashing through the trees. I was praying for it to be Edward, but instead came the tiny form of Alice through some wet bushes. Her small fists were clenched, and it sounded as though she was growling.

The sides of Rosalie's mouth twitched.

"That moronic ass," Alice snarled. "Stupid, son of a –"

"Alice, what's wrong?" I managed to croak, hoping to God that Jasper was just half as sweet as Edward, and nothing like Royce.

"He… I… can't believe… ARGH!" I jumped again as Alice kicked a dark gray rock with more force than I thought possible from her tiny frame, past the other side of the fire. Then she stormed away.

I sat there, shocked, staring at the place in the bushes where Alice had come from. Rosalie made a noise as though about to speak, until Jasper silently emerged from a small opening between two trees, just a foot or two away from the bushes. His cheeks were glowing red with what seemed like embarrassment. He looked at me for the briefest moment with intense, penetrating eyes, forcing me to look away and back at the fire.

"Can't do anything right can you?" I heard Rosalie scoff beside me. She thought way too highly of herself.

"I tell myself that at least ten times an hour, I don't need to hear it from you," Jasper snarled. His voice cracked slightly, sounding like he was about to cry. I looked up to see if he was. I couldn't tell. I had to look down immediately when his eyes met mine. Those eyes could burn ants like glass in the sun.

I kept staring at the fire until it was absolutely silent.

"Yo!"

We both jumped slightly, irritated by so many surprising intrusions. I looked up to see Emmett and Edward coming back, Edward looking quite sullen and breathlessly handsome. My brain turned slightly mushy, forgetting about what had happened.

"What's up sexy?" Emmett said to Rosalie, dropping a huge amount of wood on the dirt. Rosalie did not look flattered, but rather as though Emmett had guessed a right answer to an obvious question.

"Thanks for giving us some privacy. Did you see Alice and Jazz?"

Edward frowned. "No. What happened?" He asked this with a strange tone, as though he had seen something was seriously wrong, and was curious as to what was behind the situation.

"Dunno. Jazz probably being an idiot."

"You don't know that," I snapped as loudly as I could manage, my brain trying to comprehend Rosalie's story, Alice and Jasper's strange encounter, and Edward's perfect green eyes.

Emmett chuckled. If you ever pictured a bear laughing in your head, it would sound just like that.

"Aw, how cute," he mocked. "She thinks she's real tough."

I felt my cheeks burn.


End file.
